There’s drunk. There’s very drunk. And there’s Thomas Jones, a middle-aged, grey-haired man. In June 1920, on his way into town, Thomas felt thirsty, so he stopped off at the Commonwealth Hotel (now the Hyde Park) for three pints of beer.
He was a little hazy as to which pub was next, but remembered having six pints. Then another hotel. Two, maybe three, pints there. On arrival in town, Thomas decided to have a few at the City Hotel (now the Belgian Beer Café), before wandering down Hay Street.
Unfortunately our hero was not unknown to the Perth constabulary. Sergeant Johnston, noticing an unsteady gait, decided to place an arm-lock on poor Thomas. Perhaps lacking full control, Thomas fought back and used some choice Anglo Saxon.
In court, Thomas tried for sympathy. He denied resisting arrest.
Thomas By Jove, your worship, I really don’t seem to get much of a chance in Perth, when I think of it. As a matter of fact, I should be charged with drunkenness—I was very drunk. I may have used a little warm language—I really cannot recollect.
Prosecutor I don’t think you can remember much of what happened at all, if you had had as many drinks as you say.
Thomas Sir, I can remember things which happened in my boyhood’s days!
Magistrate Oh, we needn’t go so far back as all that. We’d be here much too long. Are you calling any witnesses?
Thomas Sir, of course not. I have no witnesses for the defence. As a matter of fact, I’m not quite right in my head.
The sentence was 28 days.