Halal, is it meat you’re looking for?

Halal-Australia-Logo-JPEG

Halal certification is the new burqa.

Organising boycotts of Aussie companies trying to export their goods is the new opposing a local mosque for ‘parking reasons’.

Few things make our blood boil at Dodgy Perth HQ, but racists pretending not to be racist because “Islam is a religion, not a race” is definitely one of them.

So with all the current fuss over halal certification, you might be forgiven for thinking this is something brand new. Something that Australian exporters have only started doing in the last few years. While they also enjoy funding terrorism. Apparently.

Well, no to all of the above.

WA’s ‘Afghan’ camel drivers must have had sources of approved foods. But it appears they often turned butcher themselves when meat was required.

The first halal certification scheme in Australia seems to have been in Queensland in 1905. Four Muslim butchers were brought over to certify the meat was prepared appropriately, so that exports could begin big time.

You will never guess what happened next.

Protests. And outrage. So much outrage.

Not because halal meat is cruel. Or that we were funding ISIS.

Just because the butchers weren’t white. Oh yes, it was White Australia time.

So, when a canning plant was planned for Wyndham, here in Western Australia, it didn’t take long for the exporters to start drooling at the thought of the tens of millions of Muslims in Malaysia, India, Afghanistan and elsewhere.

All they would need was halal certification and East Kimberley would boom.

In 1909, this was exactly what was proposed.

A Pilbara resident, H. Musa Khan, said that bringing over a couple of ‘educated and religious’ Mohammedans to supervise at Wyndham’s slaughter yards would enable all the canned meat (except pork, obviously) to be sold anywhere in the world.

Mr Khan was keen to stress that only a couple of Muslims would be needed, so White Australia would still be white. And this was not a job which could be filled by a white local anyway.

No one listened. Jobs and exports were not as important as racial purity.

Instead, by the 1920s live exports were thought to be the way to go. (And mainly, still are!)

After the Depression, some bright spark suggested again that perhaps a single Muslim might be brought over to WA. That way, halal certification could start and we could climb out of poverty and misery.

We suppose you can guess that no one listened.

White Australia 1. Beef producers 0.

Only the Scouts can save us now

Robert Baden-Powell in 1896

Robert Baden-Powell in 1896

In 1912 Lt Gen Sir Robert Baden-Powell, founder of the Boy Scout movement, was being entertained by the Mayor of Perth, Tommy Molloy, in the Town Hall on Barrack Street.

After his praise had been sung by the assembled dignitaries, BP himself rose to speak.

His message was uncompromising: the Asiatic Menace was at Perth’s shore, and every available hand would be needed to fight them.

BP announced that he knew what he was talking about because he had been to China. While there were a handful of civilised Asians, the vast majority—there were millions of them, he warned—were still savages.

Any day now, these savages would rise up and seek colonies overseas. Especially Western Australia. And with an army of uncivilised men who would stop at nothing, it would be hard to resist.

He was good then, said BP, that Australians were already preparing to defend their homes from the coming invasion.

However, this alone would not be enough.

Here the Boy Scout movement enters the scene.

The whole point of being a Scout, said the founder of the movement, was to give self-discipline to a boy, make him realise his sense of duty, and to make it easier to turn him into a soldier when the Asians came calling.

So next time you see all those innocent-looking Cub Scouts, just remember: they’re a paramilitary force intended to save us from the malevolent Chinese and Japanese.

If they’re our best line of defence, we’re probably stuffed.