The best locations for alfresco luvin’ were identified in 1950, when a journalist decided to investigate Perth’s parks frequented by couples. Only in order, though, to check out the perverts who spied on them.
Presumably, hacks from The Mirror who hang around parks at night are exempted from the pervert category.
Let’s start with Weld Square, just off Beaufort Street. A well-lit area, there were two men who first sat looking from the benches, before flitting from tree to tree to peep on the courting pairs. (Dodgy Perth awards three out of five stars to Weld Square)
We cannot recommend Russell Square, in Northbridge, though. It is usually frequented by ‘plonk’ drinkers, and so is unattractive as a rendezvous. (Zero stars)
Hyde Park was very popular with both lovers and Peeping Toms. All the perverts had to do was wait and as soon as the couple was engrossed in lovemaking, take up a vantage point. Thanks to the plantings there, it was possible to get a really close-up viewpoint. (Five out of five stars)
A warning though. Sometimes the Peeping Toms take advantage of the duo being distracted, and creep up and steal her handbag. Being too embarrassed to explain what they were up to, these thefts were never reported to the police.
But the worst place for Peeping Toms is on grass by the river on Riverside Drive. The sheer number of weirdos there made it almost impossible to enjoy an outdoor experience. (Negative one star)
In 1950, a married couple were “sitting quietly” (yeah, right) by the river when the husband noticed a man crawling on all fours towards them. A fight broke out, with the pervert coming out very much second best.
So, Dodgy Perth has made our recommendations. We leave it to our readers to decide where and when they would like to ‘go outside’.
The following video is very NSFW. You have been warned.